4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
