my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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