I'm jealous of your bromance
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
