my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
