dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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