sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
