I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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