billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
