i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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