Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
