honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
