I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
