I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
