Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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