Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
