so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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