i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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