i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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