Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
