yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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