yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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