Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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