just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
