Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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