the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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