I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
