Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
