This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
