CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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