Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
as a side note pls kill me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
