Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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