I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
