Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
