OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
