why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize