I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
