dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
