If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
