I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
