When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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