Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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