You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
