Yo dont text me then not text me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
