He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
