We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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