I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have aggressive nipples.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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