I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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