I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
