she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
