I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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