How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have already put on my inside pants.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
