Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize