I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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