I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
