i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
