Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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