at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
