don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
