I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
