just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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