I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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