maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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