im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
