in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
