wanna go halves on a baby?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
