we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize