So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
vagina is talking i cant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
