What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i love accidental penises.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
