god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
