you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am available for nakedness
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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